I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
