Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
