pedialite and red bull = repair kit
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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