Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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