i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
