I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
