but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
