you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
