life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The ass gains better be worth it
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