That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
