so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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