Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
