We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
