My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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