I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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