Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Randomize
