i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
