PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
