I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
