she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
