Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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