Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
