well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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