I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
