Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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