Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
