Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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