Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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