Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize