She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
