His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
