Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
