Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize