you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize