I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
