Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
