batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize