ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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