I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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