So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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