Who wears a wallet chain?!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
