Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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