Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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