I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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