Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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