And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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