3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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