I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dick very happy bro
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
