i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
