You're my little dorito
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize