I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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