someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
