just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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