Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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