And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
