so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so let's talk penis.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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