Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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