i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
